You know, Gary…

You know Gary,
   no matter what you give them
they’ll never love you
They talk about him like he isn’t there
   a dumb, feeble old man
Inner smiles, smirks, laughter
He laughs because he isn’t there—
   never was
They’re not very pleasant companions
Never were...
   They pray to the gods in their heads
More sorrowful than bitter
They never forgive
   All those good intentions
Courts are a pain in the ass
Slow, insensitive, expensive
   Love’s lost in this dimension
Stand fast
Time tortures and twists in his head
   Then steadies
His style exalted, pathetic
No casual touches, please
   We all know what touching is for
Love in this dimension, always stands fast
Time comes from my back and
   runs away from my eyes
I thought we might joke about it, later
But I fall into flame, instead
   Secretly, deeply feral
That’s quite a procession ahead
New rearranges what I know
   So bitter the mosquitoes won’t bite him,
brutal dogs cower,
stray feral cats piss and hide
   She’s just a scrub, like me
pigeons won’t shit on his head
Reason and you, never stand fast
   Successful, glittering, hard
Funny comes from feelings so deep
you need that funny protection
   Certainty is animal, basic, primitive
neither true nor false
instinctual, learned by rote
   Certainty can’t be tested
or proven right
A generous man, quick to anger...
   Unconscious, unresponsive,
eyes full of tears
His human needs, stimulation
   high spirits, escape...
Wipe away the tears
Starry nights...
   When we open this door,
we’re certain
He supports but isn’t supported
   Direct, hard, resolute
He eats whatever is set before him
Love is so doomed and so rare from the start
   She appeals to the extreme in me
I’m lonely for people like me
I go real strong
   for what I want,
can’t stop...
Whatever occurs here, basic balance is the same
   Our senses perceive only change
Heaps of overlapping features, no essence
We scrutinize the world... it’s our picture
   The beautiful have all left the city heat
to freaks like me
There’s no time to get over this now
   Explanation must stop somewhere
It needn’t be true; it just has to hurt

-August 1, 2010-