Yearn so yearn

Yearn so yearn...
He grasps for the little love he finds here
He takes it all inside
You know, it doesn’t make a difference
how good you are,
how rich you are,
how good life’s been—
there’s always some unquenchable sadness
some gnawing hurt within

The sounds heard in front of the violin
aren’t the sounds the violinist hears
The sounds the soprano hears as she sings
aren’t what we, her audience, hears
What if she opens her mouth
and no musical noise comes out?
“I sense how the deterioration eats in me now
Goodbye if this is the last,” she says,
“We may not see each other again”

We see a powerful, compelling, charismatic warrior
He thinks he’s a compassionate, fragile, sensitive man...
Beautiful women know they’re beautiful
They’re slavish in their devotion to that
He loves to watch her finish her make-up on the subway
That compact mirror open in one hand
That insular concentration as she pencils dark around her eyes
and adds a bit of red to her lips— her steady hands precise
in the rumble, tumble subway ride

Dawn came up 35th street one way
A cold wind blew at us from the other
He’s a no-shit guy who’d taken more than
his share of shit
You’re better off lucky than right, he thinks
Lucky, rather than righteous
A little hit of serotonin and he’s subject to all
the silliest fads—like astrology, psychic predictions,
economic studies, tarot cards, and conservative politics

I’m not pitiful he says, I’m not morbid...
“Dude, I merely asked if you wanted ice
in your one-malt scotch
I didn’t ask if you could get it up or not”
Situations of decision-making in disorder
Let us pray:
“Oh good god please spare us from complexity
Shield us from the random, the unpredictable, the chaotic,
the violent, the fragile, the obscure, the brutalities of risk”

She loves her demons more than me, he thinks
She’s incorrigible; some people just can’t be saved...
She packs and unpacks every day, she flees
Serially embraces temporary partners,
indulges in passions that flare and wane
with predictable frequency...
She embraces successes, endures missteps
She miscalculates, fails in her marriages, her children
in her multiple houses and families

Promises spoken and implicit
given with a gesture or a wisp of a smile
or a sweet, serious, innocent, honest look of sincerity
She’s so charismatic that you want to agree
with everything she says
The grifter knows that once you decide
the world’s a certain way
you’ll only see the worldly things
that prove you’re right

Celebrities: We ask for their autographs or
some personal token, but that’s not what we want
I don’t know what we should want...
Those who lack imagination seek
to suppress it in others
I’m so easily bored by our silly equations,
our false equanimity, our canned corporate charms,
our smooth, tedious, soulless expositions
If only we could stop it

Know this: Even a thousand days’ experience won’t tell you
who’s gifted or not for the ages, which markets will crash,
that your best project is hopeless, that war
won’t happen, that your friend’s a true ally, a brother,
that your company won’t go under, that your
father, your teacher, your banker, your leader
isn’t a charlatan, that your close neighbor
won’t attack you without cause,
that the love of your life doesn’t love you




-January 25, 2014-