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We live

We live life forwards, understand
it backwards, as one tedious
task follows another, our futures
non-predictable, non-determinative

I saw a bowl of red roundish apples,
peered into the empty corridor, saw
your melancholy absence, bitterness,
exile and like some kind of liar who has

mastered the art of talking about
everything while saying nothing,
I think this is our new politics so—
I’ve determined not to be an invalid

even after my latest illness—
Did you think I’d always be one
and is that why you ran? We shift 
from crisis to crisis, wallow 

in the rubbles of long done
cosmic wars, sense each other’s
needs, as if the deep was always
there, how it swirls, tugs and hugs 

Part god, part human,
part animal, part human,
so let’s touch despite
our collective wisdoms,

despite the anguish of  my illness,
despite the fight of our lives
within friendships that don’t last, 
and can’t last forever given

what we’re made of 
You’re a diligent if not 
a profound thinker—
Don’t misunderstand, the

question is good, I’m  
just saying it hasn’t an answer
because the good questions
don’t and the life you seek

you may not find because 
life isn’t kind and our internal
flight from the intolerable is
neither divine nor just madness 

-August 24, 2019-