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Sweetly bitter

Mourning for the time when
I felt like this—in love and
so sure

She was sweetly bitter—erotic
not loving
I tried to love her anyway
What for?
My priorities all wrong

Whoever he is
he doesn’t quite
belong

“Hey Pete” (why do working
class people always call me Pete?)
he says casually as he looks at pictures
in the Daily News “You don’t own stocks
Why do you read that if you don’t own stocks?”

I was crude, rude and mean
But you did, you know,
rip my heart out 

He was referring to the NY Times
“You got to own stocks
if you’re gonna read that”
The night sky flickers lightly
as we tire of life

There can be nothing
more important now
than these flickering stars

Sometimes loud and sometimes soft,
it’s not just the memories,
it’s the frame of mind—yesterday my
double, my doppelganger appeared on the
opposite platform from the train I was on

Where was he going?
What did he think?
Lost in his own fictions

She was one of the few I knew
who really liked the cold
She said “Just ease into it
Breathe slow and deep and,
of course, dress warm”

Some crude vivid memories
didn’t happen or
didn’t happen to me 

“Then let the cold soothe you,
bring you ease and peace and
calm the heated heart’s sting”
Through what’s funny you can
get to say what’s sad

I see the months in textures
The days are repeating pastels
Each 30 day sprint its own cloth

The stars were putting on quite
a show for me as they mocked me
They know they’ll still be here
long after I’m gone
You know what will happen

What has this life been?
Whatever has it meant?
Not yet

Sometimes, the current flows
right with me and I say “Not yet”
Sometimes, I have to go past
what’s wonderful to get
to what’s actually wonderful

Our sex was great for years
Unlike others we never got bored
until she did 

 

 

-December 23, 2017-