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She’s my

She’s my origin, my flame—
my fiery tunnel, my hurt
Error stalks me throughout my days
and an objectification of feeling
isn’t my staunchest breakthrough—
there’s also that hollow breach between
what I know now and what I’ll say

Life’s complexity and brilliance—its
patterns untangle slowly, incompletely
It’s easier to see what’s staid, inert
She and I are attracted
to what’s off, we like it—point
it out to each other, laugh about it,
like a screech that’s hardly heard

Dad wrote that he and mom
became like one person—
“Sheila-Arthur, Arthur-Sheila”
If that’s the ideal well
I don’t think I’ll get there
Did they? I don’t know—
He said so in hope

Love that isn’t hate when spurned
was never love at all
“We never had to explain things
to each other—half a sentence
was enough because we understood
each other and it seemed
had always done so”

Great art invites us in—
It makes us all artists
That which is without character
is ugly—close your eyes and
go, go, go—
diminish, diminish, diminish
until there’s nothing

War is caused by politicians
who get us there for personal pleasure
and power, for psychic manipulation,
who lose themselves and us
in a bloody labyrinth of pain
The publicity of moral rot
is ostentatious display—

We fight our wars not
out of hate for the enemy
but because of a poison that
underlies and scalds our days
Here the value of a woman
depends on what men think of her—
Mediocrity can’t stand excellence

Maybe that’s how I get to go—
I’ll fly like the birds above us
The future’s mute and my
hedonism won’t protect me
from old age—that old artist he
lived in a dilapidated home without
heat surrounded by friends eager to

exploit him—“Corrupted souls can’t
find it, because in art there
is no reward, only the doing”
I resent the beat and burn of the sun
Krista said “People, you can
take ‘em or leave ‘em”
Little did she know

how that was an improvement—
I used to just loathe them and
now the improvements don’t
stop—there’s quite a few souls
whom I’m actually quite fond of—
despite my myriad, unbridled visions
within the shortness of this life

 

 

-July 28, 2018-