Relentless 2

Mom couldn’t, in her last illness,
ever find a comfortable position
as the noumenal world
before her life and after
her death

the way the sun will shine
even after great loss, sickness,
or damage within my own skin
This is how we live—
the thirst, lust, search, the
personal relationships so

close, but not too close,
like an art more sportive than military
where the radiant lights strike
she’s sprightly, joyous even and
when she works hardest it looks
like she isn’t working at all

Hey, I’m that gambler who enjoys
gambling only when I win
“An expression has meaning
only in the stream of life”
As if I couldn’t see the
difference between the smoothly
organic, and the crude mechanics

of human made things
as we hide our lack of perception
in an imposing apparatus of obscurity,
intricate flourishes and false phrases, in the
immensity of new and unheard of difficult
jargon that sounds oh so learned

Money was a key and though old
I can still acquire, have for myself
and selfishly own a few more things 
although not for long— In another
day I sought for my true wife, my
true other, sometimes used

substitutes and just
never found her…
Our lives can turn ugly here
in the dark where my animal
spirit is our spirit where,
lucidity of expression
is dauntless and lost

as the noumenal world
before our lives and after
our deaths, because I’ll
never grasp death within my own
skin and because you left some stuff
behind to signal how you aren’t done

with me yet
Change is our lifeblood
and like a radiance of light
it shows us what’s sweet in
this world within a whirlpool
of love as deft as delight 

-September 7, 2019-