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It comes to our eyes

                1.
“Disappointed! You’re kidding, right?
Disappointed is when you get mayonnaise
instead of mustard on your ham sandwich
That word doesn’t bear weight, you damn fool
Yeah, that’s it, I’m disappointed” and softly,
“Where is she, why has she gone?”

This is the city of rare illuminations, hallucinations
A hard rash music seethes in the heart of its noise—
It shouts through the poverty, the nastiness;
fervent, inevitable, furious
Every steely detail, comes to our eyes alive
in a remnant of light, survival

“Tonality—why it should be thrown out for good,
I can’t see
Why it must always be present,
I can’t see”
“They wanted us to write this crazy, creepy music
I told them to go to hell”

A hard, acidic intelligence
not at all good natured, easy going, or American
He stood up—his face inscrutable, blank
A proud, melancholy guy, he gets along, just
A psychologist, I’m told, taught him
just enough charm for his job

Lots of stuff going on among the hypocrites
the intellectually proper,
the blatant brown-nosers
It’s almost their busy season, the fall
Almost two in the morning and he’s awake
He thinks about his latest, blatant, fuck-up

“They say I’m pretentious, arrogant
when I affirm it
but I’m lying to you if I don’t”
We know it plays long, it’s expansive
and sometimes we can hear it—
changeable, vital, and long

 

            2.
When Matt was young he was sensitive
to insults—he’d cry and say someone “inselted him”
One day Mom saw him cry and said,
“Matthew, who ‘inselted’ you?”
He replied “I inselted myself”
A tactic he’d continue to use throughout his short life

When people who are attracted to each other meet,
they overlook their differences to yearn together, to fit
They seek concordance in the spice and swirl, the dissonance
When young the image of indestructible man
lodged inside him like a virus—
acidic and austere

What could we be if we tried hard enough,
practiced long enough,
thought straight enough?
We are one of a select and fascinating company, right?
The struggle hides and hits hard—
hits and hides

It will infallibly hit sometime in your lifetime
or in the lifetime of your young
That is what nature does
Her heart beats a bit quick when she thinks of him
Their sensuality, reciprocity, their closeness—
close as they can come

When grandma, always old, got really old
she lost a few inhibitions, like humming
Damn it if she didn’t hum to herself a lot
whether you were there or not
Nauseous with fatigue and grief,
she didn’t sing, she hummed

Sweet like the soft light they, in each other, delight
This is an air not meant for study
It must be experienced, seen
When light like this pierces the mean
it comes to our eyes alive from so far,
it comes to our eyes alive

 

 

 

-August 30, 2014-