Author

Nocturne

                1.

Misty night mountain,
moon-shines through the cloud seams—
an old man walks alone and thinks

“You holy night, soon it will be over 
I will sleep the longer sleep, 
sleep softly in the midnight breezes 
while her sad last death leans towards me”

Sleeping pills knocked him out at night
kept him dazed in the day
Northeast winds, rocky wine-dark seas

“I see the nocturnal wily jaguars 
I seek the fierce white tiger in me 
Death is not the cruelest way 
to lose someone you love”

                2.

His mind knows what to do
but he doesn’t do it
Tough sun today, high skies...

“An ancient tribe—at night some take 
him out hunting where no one else can see 
They push him off a slick icy cliff 
and happily cleanse themselves of this liar”

He was the one who arranged all meetings and
engagements, always in public places where
he could gracefully escape

“His tilted head, his tired face, 
the tense thick movements of his hands, 
all assert that he listens to his own taut voice 
and can barely hear another”

                3.

She said I talk too loud in restaurants
the way we Jews always do
The old dear thing had one WASP chin too many

“These words share no secrets— 
they’re just prayers to the bitchy slick goddess... 
Days of decadence, quicksilver fragile affections, 
heightened senses—incapable of love or hate”

Got him his sandwich—an individual can of tuna
with the oil drained, lettuce and tomato
on a roll—tried it myself once—not bad

“I don’t remember our last violin lesson 
but I remember him telling me of his plans to retire 
to Southern California—It’s just like Italy, he said, 
it’s like going back to Florence”

                4.

The horror is that cruelty and indifference thrived
where there should have been love,
like Rumanian orphans who have never been touched

“The real diva was a sensational bore 
Unlike her re-creation on stage, that actress who brazenly puffs up her name 
Colorful fun tattoos like scars, up and down her wrinkled arms 
In life she can’t play the part”

When a squirrel jumps up from a garbage pail
with squinty rodent eyes, and thinning brown hairs
I don’t care, but rats do alarm me

“Morally ambiguous, ruthless 
Her tastes crude, her passions cold, 
said nothing then, because all talk is useless 
Her sore face bruised by his death”

-July 22, 2011-

His Middle Class Ways

She uses her arm to push him violently away
Skids from one unreality to another
All that pedaling for quicksilver moments of glide, of grace
She becomes bulimic, alcoholic, an obsessive cutter...

He spends a long year gazing out the window
Wounds abrade his middle class ways
Nearly lost his job because it hurt so bad,
couldn’t pay attention, relax or absorb the pain

A cascade of days mostly the same...
He was someone we all knew, but knew nothing about
He said of his childhood— “My dad never beat me, 
my mom never ran away”

He plays tennis with his dad
They take long, silent, walks together
He plays his flute out of tune 
in his rooms from midnight to dawn

then sleeps until noon...
Frightened people lie— she lies to him all the time
He glides his skiff through ragged, dank water
his failures push and guide from behind

A happy wish died many years ago
With these tight nerves so little is possible
The soft milk locked away beneath several layers of wood,
deceit, rage, “I defy you...I despise you”

Lives stunned with loss
If the stars could weep they’d weep the blood of tears
then awkwardly withdraw and fade
like a dead blank beat up case

She comes from troubles and brings her troubles here
Gauges the movements of crust beneath her feet
They leave the hotel and find themselves
in an old part of the city, where he’s never been

an obscure closed-in part
Her face stretched tight, dry
The self locked away behind blank stares
and sour, dutiful visions of middleclass paradise

-June 20, 2011-

Her Face

              1.

Her face is in my dreams again
   so loveable and fair this time
so mild and full of pain

Only her lips are red
   but death will kiss them pale
and feverish as light

              2.

A professional comedian—
   though it made them all laugh
he hated to cry...

Sometimes, in order to fly
   through air, you must
hang by your arms, legs and neck

              3.

The mysterious nurse
   does the bop island healing
She arouses desire

Around her he wanted
   to be funny, intelligent and kind...
One more bop to go, a charm, before home

              4.

They dance together
   with little skill or pleasure
You don’t know or care where I’ve been

Her curiosity is easily satisfied...
   Truth is fine enough
when it’s what you want to hear

              5.

A sense of fiery drama
   a desire for secrecy
She wanted me to care

just a little bit less
   We teeter toward losing balance
then clasp each other close and true

              6.

He’s happiest and sanest when
   everyone laughs, the comedian
There’s no reason

It’s like rocks in a garden,
   silky weeds in the grass,
wiry red thorns in a light grey mist

-May 24, 2011-

Always

                1.

Always the mediocre girl, almost ugly
   blank and aloof, stares vacantly at me

No one hates, the way lovers hate

If only you could listen to the voices from there
   while you live, really live, right here

Savage instincts, reptile wants

An older world of stockings, tulips, perfumes,
   and invitations opens before her

a deep and corrosive hunger

                2.

If I could see it, I could hit it but
   whatever I do won’t change a thing

Religion, family, love— why care most

for what isn’t real?
   He has these sweet, enduring feelings for her

Toxic fathers, toxic mothers, toxic daughters, toxic sons

Our futile egotistical designs
   Look just over there—it’s a place where we are as happy

as our natures permit

                3.

Playful, not immoral, but just a tad debauched
   If she was furious, she kept it to herself

Those who sit among us like gods

will soon be forgotten
   You needn’t strain for them or listen to them

He did the nature, but I did the hours

Sudden, arbitrary hurts will come
   to the vulnerable and innocent

like a vicious enemy we push and then cross

                4.

A monkey dressed in overalls
   who rips your face off

the bullet in his stomach, and another in his leg

finds his own room, it’s a child’s room,
   and lays down on the bed to die

None of us seems to know how much love we need

But we know well enough when it’s given
   After the argument a dazed lull

where nothing gets fixed or done

                5.

He wants to see things in a kinder light
   She flinched and doesn’t like to be touched

Not much good grows here, the soil’s all limestone

The water flows beneath, pure, cold and deadly
   She could look at my face and tell me

of all of life’s troubles ahead

Her enemies see innocence and want to kill it
   Her grief is strong, but she’s persistent,

she can’t find the bottom or float up to the top

-April 24, 2011-

Our Wars

                1.

We love freedom for its own sake,
   and start a war every five years

The war is malignant, always to the back of us, silent
   even when we don’t speak or think of it

Warriors will slit our throats if we let them—
   Our wars, whatever we say, are fought for wealth

They poison our days

                2.

Stricken, he stands still, stares outward
   the same, for hours it seems, into nothing

Listens to his inner demon
   full of honor, years, courage, fame

Die a good and honorable death—
   not too soon, not too late

Our wars are perpetual

                3.

Here’s ambition’s garden—
   in twenty years this will be one large, radium infused forest

A wolf, soundless, lopes beside me in the ruins
   near the burnt out nuclear plant,

once filled with lives—“we will live vigorously
   and we won’t be afraid to die”

The wolf in this world is mine

                4.

Smashed bones are the result of these policies—
   Every war will be simple, triumphant and fast

Earth bound minds guarantee it but they lie...
   The warrior, wolf-like in passion, destroys

barriers between men and women, young and old,
   brilliant and stupid, animals and humans,

the drunken and the mad

-March 22, 2011-